I woke up at 3:30 AM today, lay awake for two hours, then got up. In the last hour and a half I have cleared up our "junk pile" on the kitchen table, paid all the bills I can, reviewed the rest of our finances, and balanced my checkbook for the month of November. (December hasn't come in yet.) I have also reset the wireless router twice and "Repaired" my wireless connection four times. I would have cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen, but we had Justin over yesterday and Jeremy did all the cleaning before he got here.

The computer thing is getting more and more irksome. I didn't have a problem with repairing the internet connection each morning when I got up, but now I have to do it at least every half hour, and unplug the wireless router at least each hour. By "at least", I mean at absolute minimum. Mornings like this one are getting more frequent. We just ran AdAware and Spybot two days ago, and it didn't help. Both of us have automatically updating and running virus software, so that isn't the problem. And I know it isn't my wireless network card, because Jeremy's computer is hooked up with a cord and it's having the same problems. He called Verizon last weekend, and they told him how to switch channels on the wireless network. It didn't help one bit. So we're thinking the problem is with the router itself. Jeremy's going to give them another call today.

This is a major reason I gave up on gadgets. I'm at a point where I try to just get by with what I consider the "bare minimum" -- the most basic of cell phones (I don't even know how to check my voice mail, and Jeremy programmed the numbers into it for me about six months after we bought it) and a high-speed internet connection. I gave Jeremy my PDA when he lost his because I never, ever used it. Sure, some of the stuff out there is cool. But consider this: Jeremy's cell phone is out to be repaired because the display doesn't work (we bought it six months ago for $140), plus, during the half-hour of coverage he gets on his 70-minute-one-way commute, he loses the signal every 4-6 minutes (the plan costs $40/month. Per phone). We have a digital camera that only takes four pictures before you have to change the batteries, and that's if you don't use the LCD screen (it was a $435 camera that we got for about $25 because of a program Jeremy belonged to). Before Jeremy lost his PDA, he was having major problems with the thing freezing up (one year after he paid $370). Our internet connection is very spotty at best (another $40/month!), and the main thing we use it for -- blogging -- is also malfunctioning like crazy (but hey, at least that's free! Well, Blogger itself anyway....).

So sure, technology is very cool. Or, it would be.... if only it worked. I'm finding more and more that it's just hassle after hassle. And the part that drives me absolutely nuts, like crazy nuts, is that we pay for the privelege!! And all I want it to do is work! Is that asking so much?

I see all the commercials, and Jeremy's always talking about the coolest new thing, but I seriously have to wonder -- is everyone out there as wired as the media shows? Does anyone else wonder if these hassles are really worth it? I'm getting to the point where I'm afraid of the latest new thing, because I can see it going wrong in a million ways within six months -- and geez, I have a computery-type husband to work on the problems! Am I the only one?

As all of you who use Google know, today is the anniversary of Louise Braille's birthday. For years I've wanted to learn to read Braille like the blind do, with my fingers, but it seems that they don't make books to teach sighted people to read like they're blind. I've wanted to do this for two reasons: first, I want to be able to read in the dark. Think about it -- you could read yourself to sleep without worrying about your glasses or the lamp! Second, I have very bad vision and I'd kind of like to get a jump on the tragedy of losing my sight so that I don't have to be confined solely to my world of darkness while I try to learn how to function within it. Morbid, I know. Welcome to my world.

Anyway, I came upon an eloquent sentence today, and it struck me. First of all, the rhythm is very pleasant, "becoming the change I wish to see". Secondly, the unusual use of the word "wish" softens the sentence to make it, in fact, more "gentle" in and of itself. She could have used "want" or "dream" or "hope", any of which would be more common in that context, but she chose the soft shhh-ing sound of "wish". Very nice. Very nice.

"I can change my community only through gentle, joyful action, becoming the change I wish to see." -- Sheri Wells-Jensen, wrapping up part 2 of her essay on reading Braille

I don't have my horses yet, or even the land to put them on, but I've picked out names. The girl will be a palomino, and her pedigree name will be Dream of Sunshine. We'll call her Sunny. The gelding will be a chestnut, and his pedigree name will be Love Trumps Despair. We'll call him Lovey.

Sunny and Lovey!

To do me justice, I have also been turning over more responsible to-do's in my head, like talking to the vet when I take the kitties in for shots, finding miniature horse events I can attend to get a better feel for this (I mean, with five years to change my mind, it would be pretty awful to change it after I have the horses), and I even Googled 4H clubs, but apparently they're only for kids.

It took me two hours to fall asleep last night.

Oh, and aren't Jeremy's eyebrows going to float off his head when he hears me talking about "pedigree names"! [Jeremy:] "Pedigree? And how much does that cost?" Teehee.

WOOHOO! I can have horses!!

I can have a horse! I can have a horse!!

Granted, it'll be at least five years from now, but I get to have one!!!

Great gift ideas: books on horse anatomy, care, training, and suggestions for brands of baby footwear.

WOOHOO!!!

Angela: You know what I saw today? I don't know why I thought of it, but you know how we want a dog but don't want the daily walking and house training, and we want a horse but don't know how to take care of it and could never afford it? Well, what about a miniature horse?
Jeremy: [pause] A miniature horse?
Angela: Yes. Wouldn't that just be the coolest pet ever? They're affectionate like dogs, but they stay outside and they don't need anything but some good quality grass and a salt lick. Brush them, trim their toes, and they're all set. They're about waist high, so you could house them in a shed, forget a barn! And you don't ride them, so you don't need to buy tack or harness. But they can do some light work. They can haul the leaves and grass clippings when we rake the lawn.
Jeremy: A miniature horse.
Angela: Well, horses. They say you should have two because otherwise they'll get lonely.
Jeremy: Two miniature horses.
Angela: They say you should have at least two acres, but Dan says you could keep a full-size horse on just one if you had to, so we could go smaller. And you can get them for about $200.
Jeremy: $200?
Angela: Yes, if you go to an auction or rescue one that's at a shelter.
Jeremy: Remember how we decided we couldn't have a dog right now because this space is too small? So you want to get horses instead?
Angela: No, not in this house. I'm saying that we should look at land with the possibility of mini horses in the back of our mind.
Jeremy: Ah.
Angela: And you know how they go inside? Their hooves slip on hard floors, so you put them in baby sneakers!
Jeremy: Aren't there laws about cruelty to animals?
Angela: Oh for heaven's sake, they don't know the difference. And they're as affectionate as dogs and cats, so they make great pets. The kiddies in the neighborhood would get a huge kick out of them.
Jeremy: You are never allowed to have a day off again.